Onions and m&m's

Don't you hate it when someone assumes that you think the same way that they do? (Note: Prior sentence is a prime example of what I'm talking about. By simply asking the question, I am assuming that you agree with me.) When people assume to much about what's going on inside someone else's gray matter, it can be a little awkward/troubling/irritating/etc. So, generally speaking, you will find that I tend to write about stuff from my point of reference rather than assuming that you will be thinking exactly like me. First of all, it would certainly be a boring world if we all thought alike. Also, we might think we know what someone else is thinking, and in fact, they may agree (on the outside) with a thought that we share. However, on the inside, we never know what they are really thinking for sure. Stay with me.


As the Beatles put it (back in the Olden Days for you pups), "Everybody's got something to hide 'cept for me and my monkey". Fact: EVERYBODY has something that they keep to themselves. Take it to the bank. You may think you know all there is to know about someone, but it's never that simple. In fact, we don't even know all there is to know about ourselves, let alone someone else. Am I right, or am I right? But there's nothing wrong with that.


Who among us really wants to know everything about the other guy or gal. With knowledge comes responsibility. If you know that the person who you are desperately in love with has a thing for sniffing toe-jam, it may change your mind about a long term relationship. If you knew your neighbor wasn't just a handyman/bricklayer/carpenter, but was also an excellent marksman who could put a bullet through a button hole at 100 yards (because he has the body buried in concrete under his basement floor to prove it!) it might tend to make you a little uneasy about borrowing the hedge shears that you should have returned long ago. All I'm saying is that people have a tendency to keep some things just to themselves. People tend to have that m&m "hard candy outside" or perhaps they are layered like an onion. The more you peel back, the more your eyes burn. I'm tearing up just thinkin' about it!


Over the years, I have had a good share of friends and acquaintances. I'm a "people-person". I grew up in a big family. There were seven of us growing up together. I was a middle child. I'm not a psychologist, so the implications of being a middle child escape me. However, I do know that I have always had a knack for listening and, for lack of a better term, counseling. I remember back many moons that friends found it easy to talk to me about "issues" that they may not be comfortable talking to others about. Most of the time, you don't really have to say to much. You just have to listen. I think that must be what counselors do. Just listen. I really don't know why they always show the person going to the shrink and then lying on the couch while they tell the shrink their life history. Seems like the shrink could just have a little nap and let the person blab on until they run out of words. But, I guess there are schedules to be followed. So the shrink sits in his chair and doodles, thinking about golf or girls or grilled salmon or whatever. The idiot on the couch is babbling on and on (kinda like me right now, come to think of it!)

On the other hand, I have always tended to keep a lot of "crap" to myself. I know, that's not healthy. But, as they say, "facts is facts". I'm not sure who said that, but I'm sure somebody did. Anyhowz, sometimes I wish it were different. It would sometimes be nice to be able to just tell the truth and not be judged. To say something stupid. To say something that nobody else has said (at least in your hearing). Most of the time, I think that we hold back our feelings for fear of embarrassment or ridicule. And the older I get, the harder it is to "let it all hang out". There is too much at stake! What if someone finds out that I live in Kansas City but I'm secretly a Raiders fan! (OK, I know that's overboard, but it could happen!) The point is, we all have secrets. We all have a little "m&m" complex. We all are onions.

It's OK, though. The best part is when we realize that we can be alone together. I am no better than you. You are no better than me. We are just different. We are hiding our own stuff. In time, maybe we can peel enough of the onion away that the tears won't sting so much. Give yourself a hug. You don't need to know everything about everybody. Get to know yourself.


Pearl Jam did a song a few years back called "Off He Goes". I really identified with that song. I first got familiar with it when I was going through a tough, personal time. I was this guy. I still see a lot of myself in the song. Find it and have a listen.



Off He Goes

- Pearl Jam



Know a man, his face seems pulled and tense
Like he's riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds
So I approach with tact, suggest that he should relax
But he's always moving much too fast
Said he'll see me on the flipside
On this trip he's taken for a ride
He's been taking too much on ...
There he goes with his perfectly unkept clothes
There he goes...


He's yet to come back, but I see his picture
Doesn't look the same up on the rack
We go way back
I wonder about his insides
It's like his thoughts are too big for his size
He's been taken, where, I don't know?
Off he goes with his perfectly unkept clothes
And there he goes...


And now I rub my eyes, for he has returned!
Seems my preconceptions are what should have been burned
For he still smiles, and he's still strong
Nothings changed, but the surrounding bullshit
That has grown


And now he's home, and were laughing like we always did
My same old, same old friend
Until a quarter-to-ten
I saw the strain creep in
He seemed distracted and I know just what is gonna happen next
Before his first step, he's off again

Thanks for listening! Now I gotta get off this couch!

Coyote and Morning Music

I don't know why this is as it is, but it is as it is. Every day I wake up to music. Every day. Not just once in a while. Every day. Now, this isn't music from the clock-radio or the stereo or the elevator where I went to sleep on my way home. This music is playing in my head. It's sometimes music that I heard over the past few days or it may be music that I haven't heard for years. Something simple may trigger it. Maybe I had a thought of an old friend and music that we used to listen to. Maybe I read an article or saw a picture or maybe it's magic. I don't really know and it really doesn't make all that much difference where it comes from. All I know is that I hear the music loud and clear it different parts. I hear the voices and the bass and the lead guitar and the sax and the piano. I can pick them out in my mind although I have never played an instrument in my life. I wanted to play the drums when I was a kid, but that's a completely different story. Right now, it's just hearing the morning music that I'm talking about.

This morning was no different. The song was different, though. It was Joni Mitchell. I do know where this came from. I bought a CD a few days ago. The Band. The CD is "The Last Waltz". The Band started back in the late 60's and played with a bunch of people over the years but they were probably most famous for their music with Bob Dylan (food for another post). They were about to break up but decided to make one last round touring before checking it in. The Last Waltz was recorded with an All Star cast of some of the hottest musicians of the day, including Dylan, Eric Clapton, Muddy Waters, Emmy Lou Harris, Van Morrison, Neil Young, Ringo Starr and several others. Joni Mitchell was hot at the time and when I listened to the CD a few days ago, I kept going back to one of the songs: Coyote by Joni Mitchell. I had to look up the words. I really enjoy reading along as I listen. Poetry is close to music, really. I could enjoy the music without the words or I could enjoy the poetry without the music. But together.... Good Stuff!

If you can find the song, go have a listen. In the mean time, hear is the "poetry". Enjoy.


Coyote - Joni Mitchell

No regrets coyote
We just come from such different sets of circumstance
I'm up all night in the studios
And you're up early on your ranch
You'll be brushing out a brood mares tail
While the sun is ascending
And I'll just be getting home with my reel to reel...
There's no comprehending
Just how close to the bone and the skin and the eyes
And the lips you can get
And still feel so alone
And still feel related
Like stations in some relay
You're not a hit and run driver, no, no
Racing away
You just picked up a hitcher
A prisoner of the white lines on the freeway

We saw a farmhouse burning down
In the middle of nowhere
In the middle of the night
And we rolled right past that tragedy
Till we turned into some road house lights
Where a local band was playing
Locals were up kicking and shaking on the floor
And the next thing I know
That coyote's at my door
He pins me in a corner and he won't take no!
He drags me out on the dance floor
And were dancing close and slow
Now he's got a woman at home
He's got another woman down the hall
He seems to want me anyway
Why'd you have to get so drunk
And lead me on that way
You just picked up a hitcher
A prisoner of the white lines of the freeway

I looked a coyote right in the face
On the road to Bal Jennie near my old home town
He went running thru the whisker wheat
Chasing some prize down
And a hawk was playing with him
Coyote was jumping straight up and making passes
He had those same eyes - just like yours
Under your dark glasses
Privately probing the public rooms
And peeking thru keyholes in numbered doors
Where the players lick their wounds
And take their temporary lovers
And their pills and powders to get them thru this passion play
No regrets, coyote
I just get off up aways
You just picked up a hitcher
A prisoner of the white lines on the freeway

Coyote's in the coffee shop
He's staring a hole in his scrambled eggs
He picks up my scent on his fingers
While hes watching the waitresses legs
He's too fat from the Bay of Fundy
From appaloosas and eagles and tides
And the air conditioned cubicles
And the carbon ribbon rides
Are spelling it out so clear
Either he's going to have to stand and fight
Or take off out of here
I tried to run away myself
To run away and wrestle with my ego
And with this flame
You put here in this Eskimo

In this hitcher
In this prisoner
Of the fine white lines
Of the white lines on the free, free way

First Post

Well, everyone starts someplace. I will start right here. ... It was a dark and stormy night, and all the Indians were sitting around the campfire. ... OK, forget that one. I hope to share a few thoughts now and then. Some will be interesting; some may not. I guess that is kind of a personal thing. Most likely the thoughts and postings will be interesting only to a few. Or maybe it will be interesting to just me. On the other hand, I may not be interested any more after the original post. But, as most blogs, it's the posting that provides the therapy that we need. Am I right or am I right?

Anyhowz, I will be here on occasion to share a little insight into the deep recesses of my gray matter. If you want to throw something my way on occasion, drop on by. Who knows how regularly I will post or even check in. I hope to throw things out once in a while that might make SOMEONE think, even if it's just me. Hope you enjoy the ride.

A few things to look for: music, current events, sports, family, stupid stuff (this is a GREAT category!), and whatever else hits the target on a particular day. I'm not a writer so don't get all excited about correcting me or telling me that "anyhowz" isn't a real word. In blogsville, I can spell it any way I want! Phil's Rule!

SO, until I post something really important, consider this my first post. Now, go back to sleep!

Later,

PK